So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
