You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
