The maid of honor just puked.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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