My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize