If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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