sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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