So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
