dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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