I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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