Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Found the puke drawer
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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