he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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