Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
