The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
