and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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