Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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