Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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