Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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