Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize