she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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