so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
