"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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