Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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