Do you still have your period?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
