then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
