I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
