Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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