You smell like a Billy Joel song
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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