It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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