If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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