would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
