Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
