what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
