): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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