OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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