2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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