There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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