Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
