very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
