We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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