I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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