I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
