Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
