Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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