I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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