Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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