I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
