Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
