I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
