I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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