"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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