i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
