oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
