I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
