I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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