Do you still have your period?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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