I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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