my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
