But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize