And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
