Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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