she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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