Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
