She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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