I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
