No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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