it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
