Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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